An optimist on the edge

A New Year...Time for change

2012-01-01T15:11:00.001Z

I've never been one for New year's resolutions, but I think I'll make a few changes for 2012; try to make time for those things which I'd like to do, but keep putting off.
I need to be more organised; a bit more focused on the things I really want to do, but get distracted from by the daily grind.

So, no long list of unachievable goals, but just a plain statement of intent. 2012 will be the year when I finally get around to un-started, as well as unfinished, business.

The Smiths complete...reworking the past

2011-09-06T22:37:00.001+01:00

It's that "Word" time of the month. My copy of "Entertainment for lively minds" was popped through the letterbox yesterday.
I used to be an NME sort of guy, but left it behind many years ago, long before it absorbed the Melody Maker.
I've never liked Uncut or Q, but the Word hits the right spot, probably because the average age of the contributors is close to my advancing years

This month they're running an ad for "The Smiths complete. The ultimate collection remastered by Johnny Marr". There's also an extensive review

"All eight albums by the Smiths remastered from original tape sources and packaged together for the first time" On the face of it, as a Smiths fan who doesn't have the full body of work, this seems like a cracking idea. Vinyl, CD's, DVD, Poster, Booklet, Art prints...What's not to like?

The review is fantastic, apparently Johnny Marr has taken the entire back catalogue and changed the feel and tone of many of the best known songs, especially noticeable on the earliest tracks.

But thats where I start to have my doubts.

If anyone has a right to change these songs, then its Johnny Marr and I certainly wouldn't begrudge him the opportunity to tweak these songs, to remake them in the way that he has always wanted them to sound. But, in my head, these songs are bound up with so many memories. I'm not sure how much enjoyment there is for me in songs if they're changed so much that they're shorn of the emotional attachment I have with the originals

Then again, I'm probably just being a knob and they're even better now, in their remastered state, than they were way back then, which was bloody fantastic

I've been writing this whilst listening to Cemetry Gates... remember, Keats and Yeats are on your side, but Wilde is on mine!

You can buy the Smiths complete here...

Save BBC4...

2011-08-25T21:22:00.000+01:00

I have to say of all the TV I've watched in the last week, most of the programmes have been on BBC4. I find it rather sad that it's future is under threat. Tonight in particular it's an island of quality in a sea of mediocrity.

I know that the BBC has a finite amount of cash, but surely there has to be a place for intelligent and intellectually stimulating programming in the budget

Given a choice, I'd dump BBC3 entirely, and quite a bit of the programming on BBC1 as well.That would save a few bob

The strange world of e-petitions

2011-08-21T10:02:00.001+01:00

During the week, I paid my first visit to the Governments e-Petition site, wanting to add my name to the petition called "Teach evolution, not Creationism"; as schools are for teaching proper science, not half-arsed religious nonsense

Teach Evolution, not Creationism

Naturally, being my first visit, I thought i'd have a look around. There is some interesting stuff on there, but it does read a bit like the Daily Mail columnist webpage in places. There's a petition for almost every small-minded, knee-jerk, right-wing hobbyhorse imaginable. Reading the list of petitions, you can almost hear the baying of the ill-informed and narrow minded Mail readership:

"Britain wants a referendum to leave the EU" (There's at least 10 others like this throughout the site)
"Restore capital punishment" (Again, there's quite a few of these on there)
"All rioters convicted should lose their benefits, and if not a British citizen, be deported"(Plenty like this)
"Absolute right to self defence within ones home"
"Hold a referendum on withdrawing from the EU" (See above!)
"End mass immigration"(Not as many as you'd think, but still more than one)
"Sharia ban in the UK" (Not a surprise there's a number like this)

Of course, there is some left-wing wishful thinking as well

"Legalise cannabis" (Naturally!)
"Petition in support of public libraries" (I signed that one)
"The Government should ban the EDL"
"Petition to retain the ban on capital punishment" (A few of these)

The last one attracting more signatures than the "Restore capital punishment" entry: 24.414 vs 16,698

There are some peculiar petitions on the site as well:

"No State funeral for Thatcher" ( I wasn't aware she was going to get one!) 343 signatures for this
"Eliminate speed bumps"
"Internet Explorer 6 holding back UK Economy"
"Teaching of Latin and Classical civilisation in schools" (I'd settle for teaching people to spell)
"Stop lorries blocking 2 lanes on motorways"
"Make Pagan/Druid handfastings legal in England and Wales (I have no idea what this is, but it has 59 names, so only another 99,941 to go!)
"Ban Google" (1 signature)

Perhaps the petition that annoys me most though is the current number 1:

"Convicted London rioters should loose all benefits"

It's not the premise that annoys me, but its the fact that 216,242 people added their name to a petition that contains such poor spelling. "Loose" is the opposite of "Tight", "Lose is the opposite of "Gain". What's more, there are 2 petitions on the site that make the same mistake.

My favourite one however is"

"Don't listen to idiots signing e-petitions" which makes the very valid point that "We, the people, are idiots. Please, for pity's sake, ignore us more often"

It had 280 signatures, it now has 281

I have been remiss..

2011-08-15T21:37:00.001+01:00

Its very easy to fall out of the blogging habit, but I've just had a gentle kick up the bottom, which has reminded me that writing is a fun thing to do

So, to get back into the swing of things, I'll share the joy of a print I've just bought, it's a beautiful illustration of a cracking short story

Perhaps not to everyone's taste. But I like it

Christmas is coming...

2010-11-12T19:27:00.000Z

This shouldn't work

2010-10-23T20:03:00.000+01:00

But it does

Just every once in a while comes a piece of advertising that rises above the dross that normally gets served up on TV

I like this a lot!

To sleep, perchance to dream -

2010-10-09T09:05:00.002+01:00

Ay, there's the rub
Not had a lot of luck getting a good night's sleep this week. Too often waking in the night and not being able to slip back into blissful slumber.

This sums up the experience most nights this week

Courtesy of xkcd.cm

Isn't all fashion designed by 11 year olds?

2010-10-03T20:00:00.000+01:00

I always thought that some peoples idea of fashion was the same as that of a child with a dressing up box, now I'm sure of it

Meet the 11 year old with designs on fashion fame

I'm not sure if this is sad or dangerous

The Daily Mail is scared of Ed Miliband

2010-10-03T11:30:00.000+01:00

This morning's banner headline on the Daily Mail Website is

Why is Red Ed a lodger in his own £1.6m home? Not only is his name not on his son's birth certificate, it's not on the title deeds of his family house either

Which is not so much a snappy headline, as a precis of the entire story.

It pretty poor political piece though, because it doesn't actually make any points or draw any conclusions about Mr Miliband's politics. Its just ad hominem abuse centred around his living arrangements. It tries to suggest some sort of tax benefit from his family arrangements, but offers no proof. A few 'experts' are trotted out to try to give the semblance that some actual journalism is taking place, but there isn't. It's just a nasty attack on Mr Miliband's personal life.

Of course, putting words like 'lucrative tax perks', 'Unmarried', '£1.6 million house', 'Son of Marxist' is absolutely guaranteed to elicit a string of barely literate, ignorant, right wing comments from the typical Daily Mail readership.

What has been obvious from recent Mail stories on the new Labour leader is that they don't know how to handle him. The Mail would have been much happier with David Miliband; but Ed is an unknown quantity, hence all their coverage has been nasty, snide pieces on his personal life.

I love science...

2010-09-26T21:46:00.000+01:00

A Python digesting a Rat, courtesy of the Aarhus University in Denmark
CT and MRI scans. I love technology!

The Pope, Children and hypocrisy

2010-09-18T09:43:00.000+01:00

There have been some fantastic anti-Pope pieces online and in the Papers in recent weeks, so all the reasons why he shouldn't be here on a state visit are well covered, so I can add nothing to that apart from my support for the view that he should not have been invited

However, now that he is here, I am appalled that we should allow a harbourer and protector of paedophiles anywhere near children.

The 'Big Assembly' in Twickenham yesterday sickened me with its hypocrisy. On the one hand the Pope talks about the love and friendship to be had by children in the Catholic Church, whilst on the other, he has been quite happy to oversee 25 years of child abuse by its employees, without making any effort to punish those involved

If you let this panderer anywhere near your children, you are putting them in real harm's way

Musing on Muse

2010-09-12T09:53:00.000+01:00

Had an absolutely fantastic time at Wembley Stadium last night; as Muse played the final night of their "Resistance 2010' European tour

Lasers, lights, acrobats hanging from helium balloons, exploding eyeballs and over 2 hours on stage, it had it all.

Full blown stadium rock at its best.

The backbone of last nights set was, of course, the latest album, but it was threaded throughout with a huge number of favourites from their back catalogue, which for me, contains one hell of a lot of good tunes.

One thing that puzzles me though, is why anyone would want to spend the best part a concert looking at the band through the tiny screen on a phone camera. A huge number of people in the crowd were doing last night. I've noticed this more and more at concerts. Is posting your personal video of the concert on Youtube/Facebook really more important that actually enjoying the show? Do some people constantly need to remind themselves that they were having a good time by playing it back on their mobile phones

Of the support acts, I only got there in time to see Biffy Clyro. I haven't heard a lot of their stuff, but I enjoyed their set a lot. May well be hitting iTunes shortly for their back catalogue

Comfort watching...

2010-09-04T11:30:00.001+01:00

Last week I thoroughly enjoyed a post on 'Blowing My Thought Wad' about films. In particular, films that you can watch again and again; comfort watching if you will.
They don't need to be great or important works, in fact many will be by definition fairly lightweight entertainment, but just films that you can watch from beginning to end whenever they're on the TV, or when you feel like firing up the DVD player

The reason I mention this now is because I am indulging myself at this very moment with Raiders of the Lost Ark on Sky Movies, a film I never tire of; the first and best of the Indiana Jones series

So, in no particular order, films I can watch any number of times

Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Searchers

North by Northwest

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

The Adventures of Robin Hood

The Lord of the Rings trilogy

As you can see, there are no real classics in there, in fact a lot of them are a bit crap, but I like them!

Breakfast. Sometimes you just have to go for it...

2010-08-29T17:59:00.000+01:00

Every now and again its nice to have Tea out of a silver teapot...

Breakfast at the Wolseley, Piccadilly, London

A Nice cup of Tea

Sausage and Scrambled eggs

Bacon & Pancakes, Shortly to be drowned in maple syrup

Things I have never done...

2010-08-21T18:39:00.000+01:00

I'm just reading 'The Audacity of Hype' by Armando Iannucci and have reached a point where he admits, among other things, to never having seen an episode of 'The Sopranos'

I got to thinking about the things I've never done, of which there are many, and wondering whether it really matters and come to the conclusion that it really doesn't. My life isn't any the poorer for missing out

I've never seen an episode of 'The Wire', even though I have a DVD box set of the first series. I just never seem to get around to watching it and not sure if I ever will.
I've never been to the Ballet. It just doesn't appeal
I've never been to South America. Friends tell me I should, that it'll be a 'Wonderful experience'. However, I've found that "Wonderful experience' tends to be a euphemism for hard, miserable and poor. I've been to enough crappy places in the world, without wanting to make the list any longer
I've never watched 'A Room with a View' all the way through. I fall asleep around two thirds of the way in and wake up for the end credits. It's not that it's a bad film; it has a fine cast. Helena Bonham-Carter has extremely big hair and a permanent pout; Denholm Elliot draws from his repertoire of bumbling old men, to play a bumbling old man; Simon Callow plays Simon Callow and Daniel Day Lewis plays a complete prick with such conviction it makes you wonder if he's actually acting. I just can't stay awake all the way through
I've never eaten liver. I put a piece in my mouth once and found the taste so awful I had to spit it out
I've never read any Charles Dickens. I've tried, but I find his writing so boring that I've never finished a chapter
I never passed my maths O level, (Remember those?) so despite being in banking for the last 30 years, I've never had even a basic maths qualification.
I've never heard anything by Justin Bieber; well not consciously anyway, I tend to mentally block out anything that teenagers get excited about

I expect there are an awful lot more things I could add to the list, but these are just the ones that spring to mind

A thing of beauty...

2010-08-15T10:11:00.001+01:00

Is this not just the most beautiful thing?

Apparently its a 1949 Delahaye roadster, which once belonged to the late British actress Diana Dors

It has a top speed of 70mph and is up for auction this weekend for a bargain price of around £4 million

I bet its a pig to drive and I suspect that even a short trip to the shops as a passenger would leave you feeling seasick, but it is a glorious thing to look at.

Its a work of art

Tips for single ladies...

2010-08-12T11:27:00.001+01:00

Thursday night is drinking night in the City

Here is some advice for the young ladies working up here, which some of the young men out and about tonight would do well to heed as well

Here are a few more handy tips...

Yay! Football season is back..

2010-08-07T08:34:00.001+01:00

Which may confuse some people who support English Premiership sides, as they don't start back in action until next week, but for those of us who get our thrills, spills and ills from the lower leagues, today is the big day

However, delighted as I am that we are kicking off again, (doubly so because I do actually have a club to support, after going into administration last season and nearly collapsing) it does seem as though the season starts earlier and earlier each year. I'm torn, as the cricket season is still in full swing and in normal circumstances, given that its raining as I speak, I would be happy to loaf on the sofa watching England against Pakistan on the telly. As it is, I have to put some petrol in the car, find a rainjacket and head off to Selhurst Park to watch the mighty Crystal Palace start this season's campaign for mid-table obscurity.

Could be worse though. I could support Millwall

Come on you Eagles!

****UPDATE****
3-2 win against Leicester... Fantastic start to the campaign

Things you think of when you're bored

2010-07-29T08:27:00.000+01:00

As of today, I have 6,932 days to go until I retire

Mind you,
1,976 of those days will be Weekends
532 days will be my annual holiday entitlement
152 will be Bank holidays
and 1 will be a public holiday to celebrate the Queen's Diamond jubilee, if she lasts until 2012

So, only 4,271 will actually be spent at work.... I'm sure I can whittle that down further with a few sick days

Fight Club....For ladies

2010-07-27T21:06:00.003+01:00

So silly, its almost brilliant...

A 21st Century Sherlock Holmes

2010-07-26T16:30:00.000+01:00

I am a massive Sherlock Holmes fan.
I have the complete works on my iPhone and dip in and out when on the bus, train or tube, picking out favourite stories just to while away some travelling downtime.

So, as a lifelong fan of the great detective, I was very interested to see how Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss would bring Holmes into the 21st Century, in the new BBC series which kicked off last night.

Absolutely brilliantly is the verdict!
There will be those that concentrate too much on the modern aspects of the adaptation, the Taxis instead of Handsome Cabs, the use of GPS and Text messages, the lack of Victorian fog, but that is to miss the point of the Sherlock Holmes tales. They are formed to provide a huge intellectual challenge to the only fully rounded character in the stories, Holmes himself, everything else is secondary. Even Dr Watson is a bit part player in the tales, as is Mrs Hudson, Inspector Lestrade and all the other characters that pass through. It's all about Holmes and the crime and I think Messrs Moffat and Gatiss have pinned that idea down perfectly. The villain in the piece doesn't have to be a fully 3 dimensional character, only the crimes have to have any depth. Last night's first episode was a good example of that. The dying Cabbie wasn't much of a villain, but his actions provided the perfect intellectual puzzle

Benedict Cumberbatch is a good choice for Holmes. Playing his self centred attitude, his obsession with the puzzle and his eccentricity, with aplomb. Martin Freeman is an excellent foil as Dr Watson, potentially the best Watson for some time. Certainly a cut above Jude Law in the recent film with Robert Downey Jr

I'm really looking forward to next weeks episode; it's just the sort of Sunday night viewing I need before getting back on the Hamster Wheel on Monday mornings

Another ring in the tree

2010-07-22T09:25:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now officially closer to 50 than I am 40, which I guess for many people would be a depressing thought
However, I have woken up this morning feeling exactly the same as I did yesterday. Older, of course, but certainly no wiser. I don't think my outlook on life has changed that much since I was a teenager. Many would agree with me, but I guess that it probably has, even if the changes are subtle ones, which have evolved over the years without my really noticing.

Today, I will probably be indulging the teenager in me, by spending money on some very expensive and totally unnecessary electronic fripperies.

My glass is still half full!

An Afternoon of culture

2010-07-19T19:35:00.002+01:00

Off work this week, but not heading anywhere, so decided to take a look at the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy.
As usual, the majority of work on show is bloody awful; but it's a big exhibition and thankfully quite a number of pieces are very worthwhile seeing

The most impressive, and imposing, piece is 'Silver Streak'.
Impressive, as it's made entirely of wire coat hangers; imposing as it's about 8 or 9 feet tall
I loved it.

'Silver Streak' by David Mach RA

I recommend going along, as this coat hanger King Kong is worth the entry fee on its own

With the Royal Academy being in Piccadilly, lunch at the Wolesley was the obvious choice and was excellent as always. All in all, a very pleasant way to spend a few hours on a Monday afternoon.

Joy of Books

2010-07-13T10:31:00.015+01:00

I love books. There are few things in life better than being able to sit back and indulge in a good read

Good stories are marvellous things and as an adult of advancing years, there's nothing better than reading a good story with a child and sharing the enjoyment

Here is a perfect example of a good storybook for children (and adults!)

Crazy Hair, By Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Dave McKean

My 3 year old niece cannot get enough of this book. While she doesn't understand the story completely, she loves to trace the wonderful drawings of the crazy hair with her fingers, while someone is reading the words.

She's been running around the house, shouting 'Crazy hair' at everyone for the last 2 days (Including Grandad, who doesn't have any hair!). Its been a joy to see the way a great story can grab the imagination of someone so small

A perfect balance of words and pictures. A book to be loved

Radio.... You'd miss it more than you think

2010-07-07T19:38:00.000+01:00

It's been quite a while since my last post.

Must try harder!

Radio.
It's surprising how much we take it for granted. It's been good to see a reprieve for BBC6 music this week and my sympathies go out to BBC Asian Network listeners who weren't quite so lucky.
However, my current interest in radio hasn't been sparked by announcements from the BBC Trust, but by a gentleman from MORI, who arrived on my doorstep last weekend and enlisted my participation in a survey on radio listening habits.
This last week has seen me marking down where, what, when and how I have been listening. What surprised me most was that even though I have 4 radios in the house, 2 of them Digital, I do most of my radio listening on the Internet or through cable TV. Having said that though, I did a lot of driving over the weekend, so there was a fair amount of listening done in the car.
All in all, I listen to quite a bit of radio in a typical week and don't really realise it. I think it's impressive that, having been around for so long, radio is keeping up with all the new ways to reach people.
I know that at some point analogue radio will go the way of the Dodo (See the Daily Mail for a typical knee jerk reaction to that possibility) but I take comfort from the fact that turning off FM/Medium wave doesn't mean the end of radio.

Track your own listening habits. hopefully you'll be as pleasantly surprised as I was.

Anyway, must go. Radcliffe & Maconie on radio 2 shortly

More money than sense? Crystal Palace FC needs you.

2010-02-10T15:41:00.001Z

The ultimate vanity purchase
Roll up for a chance to own the best little football club in South London
Rarely successful, but never boring

To be truthful, I have always held the opinion that there are just too many football clubs around; that if there were fewer, then the financial situation of the ones left would be better.
However, for purely selfish reasons, I don't want the cull to start with this particular club

This is my club, where I have been a supporter for nearly 40 years. It would be a sad day in the Lorimer household should the club go to the wall

So, if there is anyone out there with a spare £30 million or so, please consider putting common sense to one side and riding to the rescue

Ironically, despite being in administration, Palace are having their best FA Cup run in a good number of years... The agony and the ecstasy that is football eh?

Delia at Christmas

2009-12-01T10:00:00.011Z

It's very easy to get tired of cookery programmes. Very few of them these days actually get down and dirty with the basics. They just assume a basic level of cooking knowledge and just pile into the fancy ingredients and ideas instead. I personally love Heston Blumenthal, but the culinary ideas he explored in his TV series were way beyond the reach of us ordinary mortals.

Then there's Delia.

Perhaps the assumption of basic cooking knowledge, that most TV chefs make these days, is in large part down to the work of Delia Smith, in teaching the masses how to boil an egg and make gravy.

On Monday evening I watched the latest offering from Delia on TV: Delia's classic Christmas.
An unashamed plug for her new book of course, but great fun to see her back on the box after such a long absence. Sure, there were some fancy recipes sprinkled among the old favourites, but it was nice to see a timely reminder of how to do the basics well, without fuss, but with genuine enthusiasm.

I strongly suggest you catch the programme on iPlayer this week, if only for the recipe for smoked collar of bacon, baked in molasses. I'm not a great fan of a bacon joint myself, but I swear when Delia took this out of the oven, I could have licked the TV screen

A Football tale

2009-11-28T18:00:00.002Z

Crystal Palace 3 Watford 0

Now, I don't usually comment on the time I spend watching Crystal Palace.
Championship football doesn't really interest anyone but die hard fans. However, I feel the need to briefly mention that it is a very long time since I can remember leaving Selhrst park stadium feeling so elated.
Usually, even if we win, there is always something to moan about. It's the lot of the football supporter to never be entirely satisfied with his (or her) team's performance, except on those very rare occasions when everything seems to go right, even in the face of blatantly incompetent linesmen and capricious refereeing.

Today it all went right and it was beautiful to watch

Bob Dylan Christmas Album - A quick thought

2009-10-24T18:25:00.004+01:00

Just a quick word on the Bob Dylan Christmas album.

I've just heard part of a track from the album called "Christmas Island" I've never heard anything as bad in my life. It is truly awful

I'm sorry, but even the most ardent Dylan fan is not going to persuade me that it's anything but shite

Make a charitable donation instead of buying this, for the sake of your ears

Man flu

2009-10-16T14:45:00.002+01:00

Unfortunately feeling very under the weather today... this sums it up:

Bob Dylan - I don't get the appeal

2009-10-14T16:58:00.007+01:00

I hear that Bob Dylan is to release a Christmas Album for charity.

Very laudable. I hope it does well

But I just don't get his appeal. Is it a generational thing perhaps? I'm more punk and new wave in my early influences, so maybe I'm missing something.
He's a great songwriter I have to admit. When I've heard Dylan songs covered by people that can actually sing, I've always enjoyed them and appreciated the craft.
Am I being too fussy you think? Am I placing too much emphasis on his voice and not enough on what he's singing? I have to concede that possibility, but I find it very difficult to get past his whiney, nasally voice, which makes me want to turn him off the moment I hear him on the radio

I was in a taxi last night and the driver was listening to a Bob Dylan album. I had to ask him to turn it down, as it was just too awful to have to listen to it all the way from Farringdon to East Dulwich. I had to play Jolene by Dolly Parton very loudly when I got home, just to get Bob out of my head

Life - on the BBC

2009-10-13T10:23:00.000+01:00

The BBC has come in from a lot of stick recently, especially from the management at BskyB and various newspapers. However, watching "Life" on BBC1 at 9.00pm last night, it struck me that nobody in the world does programming like it on such a consistent basis.
Given the mediocre and mind numbing content generally available on Sky and the breathtaking ignorance displayed by the general press on matters scientific or environmental, it would be a crime to lose such stunningly beautiful, intelligent TV programmes from our screens by doing away with the BBC.

We should bear in mind, when criticizing the BBC, that no commercial channel is ever going to spend the time and money producing anything this good.

Breakfast at the Wolseley

2009-10-11T15:00:00.000+01:00

There are few things in life better than a leisurely breakfast on a sunday morning, especially if someone else is cooking it.
Once every now and again, myself and Mrs L will push the boat out and have sunday breakfast at the Wolseley on Piccadilly. Today was just such a boat pushing day, although to be fair, by the time we actually got there, it was more of a brunch than a breakfast, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Now, I've had the full English here before and it was a hefty meal even by my voracious standards, so this morning I went for something a touch lighter; a plate of scrambled eggs and toast, with a couple of sausages on the side, of course. Mrs L plumped for the pancakes and bacon, not a favourite of mine I must confess. Washed down with a gallon of coffee, it was the perfect way to start the day

It's not cheap I'll admit, but it is a lovely way to start the day. I can thoroughly recommend it!

David Cameron - don't be fooled!

2009-10-09T09:27:00.007+01:00

So, the leader of the conservative party gave his keynote speech at the party conference yesterday.

Were you taken in?

If you were, shame on you.

A puffed up public schoolboy pretending to represent the will of the people while not so secretly preparing to grind the poor into the dirt and give massive tax breaks to the rich. It thats what you want for Britain, then vote away

I'll be the first to admit that Labour isn't perfect and that Gordon Brown is sorely lacking in the charisma stakes, but a vote for the conservatives is a vote for a party with no policies and no ideas, apart from a thinly veiled agenda to f*ck the working class

Do you need any proof that the conservatives are devoid of any substance? then think on this:

William Hague, who I believe is a genuinely gifted politician, introduced a message to the faithful from Bono, a man so in love with his own personality that its a wonder he doesn't speak of himself in the 3rd person.

A multi millionaire hypocrite speaking on the subject of poverty. Well excuse me, but I have to ask, what the f*ck does he really know about poverty?

I don't need a f*cking millionaire telling me to get my wallet out and give generously to the poor, but the f*ckwit conservative faithful at the party conference thought it ever so cool to have this self promoting dwarf lecture them on poverty.

And that just about sums up the conservatives, the well off and privileged, listening to someone whos even richer talking about the poor and all believing that they understand the problems of people at the bottom of society.

But that's the point, they don't. They intend to cap wage rises in the public sector for anyone earning more than £18,000. As if David Cameron and his cronies actually know what it's like to live on £18k a year. So if you're a Teacher, a Fireman, a Police officer, a nurse, then you are f*cked.
However, if you are a millionaire, then marvellous news, the conservatives are going to cut inheritance tax, so that all balances out then.

If you really can't bring yourself to vote Labour at the next election, for goodness sake tick the box for the Lib-Dems. They're not much to talk about either, but at least they won't f*ck the poor

Wealth does not equal taste

2009-10-05T09:01:00.003+01:00

Here is a little something that proves without doubt, (In my mind anyway) that having money and having taste don't neccessarily go hand in hand.
In fact, for a number of highly paid footballers, wealth and taste seem to be mutually exclusive. Some need to be taken aside and gently schooled in the art of being wealthy without being ostentatious, or even downright vulgar, about it.
Sour grapes on my part you may think, but you'd be wrong. It's just that I'd rather not see monstrosities such as this on the street. A vomit inducing sight created by the coupling of mawkish sentimentality and too much cash

Metamorphosis

2009-09-23T15:56:00.003+01:00

At what point does something stop being one thing and start becoming another?

I’m a firm believer in evolution, so I accept the process of change over time. But I need to know. Are the Sugarbabes still the Sugarbabes or are we just looking at a brand name?

Do I actually care? Well, no I don’t, not really. I just think it’s an interesting point. For myself, the bands I like don’t tend to carry on in perpetuity by replacing band members as they leave. The Sugarbabes however appear to be a “Brand” that needs to carry on at all costs. Why is that? They have made some pretty catchy pop tunes over the years, but their demise wouldn’t leave the pop world bereft. Pop culture isn’t going to be in a worse state for the loss of 3 young female singers of average talent

If the Sugarbabes started with 3 (very) young ladies back in 1998 and the last original member has left the band, are they really still the Sugarbabes?

1998 - Keisha Buchanan, Siobhan Donaghy and Mutya Buena
2001 - Keisha Buchanan, Mutya Buena and Heidi Range
2005 - Keisha Buchanan, Heidi Range and Amelle Berrabah
2009 - Heidi Range, Amelle Berrabah and Jade Evan

I'm not sure they are. But then again, the same situation arises with football teams. The players I supported when I first went to a Crystal Palace game are long since retired. Those I follow today are the latest in a long line of players I have seen come and go over the last 35 years. But thats the difference between a football club and pop group; football clubs are meant to go on in perpetuity, pop groups are not.

Why?

2009-09-18T10:38:00.007+01:00

A friend pointed this out to me this morning

Why oh why can't the Daily Express leave this alone?

I'm not talking about the Heart pills scandal by the way, but the relentless campaign to prove Diana was killed, instead of accepting that she was just the victim of an unfortunate accident

All the evidence points to an accident. The more bizarre the conspiracy theories become, the less inclined I am to believe there was foul play. If you go hurtling through the streets of Paris, late at night, with a drunk driver at the wheel and no seatbelt you are pretty much asking for trouble. There doesn't have to be a murder conspiracy in play; drunk driving and carlessness will pretty much increase the odds of things going badly wrong by a very large amount

The poor woman is long dead and there is absolutely nothing to be gained by dragging this story up ad infinitum

Thankfully the British public seem to be over their irrational Diana worship (I thought we were on our way to a new religion for a while there)

Lets just move on

St Therese of Lisieux - Utter nonsense

2009-09-17T09:00:00.003+01:00

I can only reiterate the feelings of Matthew Parris in his article from today's Times

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/matthew_parris/article6837533.ece

It astounds me that in this day and age, well into the 21st century, there are still people in this world that believe in the supernatural properties of old bones

S it happens, to my mind, there is something intrinsically wrong with wanting to be a nun in the first place, a masochistic and inherently selfish calling, but what really irks me is how the catholic church exploits the histories of deluded individuals, such as Marie-Françoise-Thérèse Martin, for its own ends, perpetuating the myth of Saints and superstition among the credulous

This poor woman died at the age of 24 of tuberculosis. If there really was a god, and he had a purpose for Marie, then surely an early death cut short her potential to fulfil that purpose

If you are the sort of person that believes that being in proximity to a casket containing the bones of a young woman will somehow bring you closer to god, or solve whatever problems you may have in your life, then you might want to ask why her creator saw fit to take her life so early and by way of a particularly nasty and painful disease

You might also want to question why her elevation to sainthood was rushed through with such haste, from Marie-Françoise-Thérèse Martin to Saint Thérèse in just 28 years, breaking the usual church rule of 50 years from death to beatification. Some suggest this was for political reasons, which wouldn't be a surprise from an organisation that uses politics to maintain its position in the world better than any other religious order

Its all religious nonsense. Parading the bones of some dead girl around the country with the exploitative implication that miracles will occur. The premise is bad enough, the fact that the brainwashed will turn out in numbers to see this travesty is just so depressing

However, there is one aspect of this freakshow that is not in doubt, where the bones go, the collection plate will follow. Potential miracles are heavy on the wallet

Forza Bar Italia

2009-09-07T11:34:00.009+01:00

First let me say that I don't really like Soho and the surrounding area. In truth, I actually don't like the majority of people that want to hang around in Soho, so I don't go there very often.

The downside of this is that I'm depriving myself of the opportunity to have a genuinely decent cup of coffee at Bar Italia

Starbucks and their contemporaries all lay claim to providing the ultimate experience for today's coffee connoisseur, but they don't. The modern coffee vendor adulterates their product with flavourings and frills, adding value apparently, but really just disguising their inability to serve a proper cup of coffee

Not so at the Bar Italia on Frith Street. Good honest coffee, served at an establishment that has been in the area since the old King died

A large espresso, served macchiato with just a touch of hot milk foam is a wonderful thing, but is only as good as the underlying quality of the coffee. At Bar Italia it is sublime.

Go there once and you'll never want another chain store coffee again

Waterhouse at the Royal Academy

2009-09-06T18:00:00.001+01:00

I like the Pre-Raphaelites

I'm also a "Friend of the Royal Academy".

So, what better way to spend a few hours on a sunday afternoon, escaping from a frustrating English performance in the cricket, than taking a stroll around the J W Waterhouse show on Piccadilly

However, although I really do love most of the Pre-Raph's, I'm not wholly taken with Waterhouse, the so-called "Modern Pre Raphaelite". I find the works of Millais, Burne-Jones and Rossetti, among others, a lot more engaging.

Honestly, there are some beautiful paintings on show, including the very recognisable "Lady of Shalott" (above), but even this lacks something which I can't quite put my finger on.

I like the Victorian painters, because there is real depth to much of their work, beautiful composition and often real passion.

I think that is where Waterhouse fails to engage me. There's a lack of passion in much of his work, a touch of French impressionism in places, which I'm not that keen on.

To trot out an old cliche, "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like".

Still, it's a very pleasant way to spend an hour or so. There may be a lack of passion in the works, they may not move the soul, but they're very easy on the eye

Shagging Fruit - Part 2

2009-08-28T11:11:00.006+01:00

It appears that Mr Lime isn't just content to copulate with Lemons. Here he is indulging in a spot of menage-a-trois action with the Cherry twins

He's a bit of a lad isn't he!

Shagging Fruit

2009-08-27T10:00:00.012+01:00

I despair sometimes, I really do. The unhealthy obsession that religious types have with sex is astounding.

I picked up a copy of the Daily Mail in my work canteen the other day and on the letters page my eye was taken by a bright splash of Blue, yellow and green.

The picture was accompanied by the following letter:

"The other day, while doing our weekly shop, I bought for my two children, Benjamin & Ofelia, a packet of Haribo Maoam lemon-and-lime confectionery. It was only after I was leaving the check-out that I noticed the appalling illustration on the packaging.
This consists of a lemon and a lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face. I demanded to see the shop manager and during a heated exchange my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park. I was told to register my complaint with the manufacturer.

I’m glad I spotted this before my young children, who are both very sensitive. My wife and I have always tried to protect their innocence – and to think all our years of careful parenting could have been wrecked by a sweet rapper makes me livid.
I received a reply from the company saying that the wrapper design had been introduced in Germany in 2002 with a view to making the fruit figures ‘more modern and lively’ to ‘better appeal to the consumer’. It said:

"At no point was it intended to create sexual images. It has been shown to a number of children and adults of different age groups, none of whom has made any comments referring to sexual content".

I consider this reply to be less than satisfactory. As a member of our local church, I’m now urging members of our flock to bycott Haribo products until this illustration is removed".

Simon Simpkins

Pontefract, West Yorks

Poor Simon and his sensitive family.

Now, I've looked at the picture for some time and have to agree that on close and thoughtful inspection you can make the case that the Lemon and Lime in question are indulging in a bit of top level shagging.

However, as a rational man, it's taken me much pondering to come to that conclusion. My first impression, on seeing the wrapper, is that its a couple of cartoon fruit figures having a wrestle, which, I'm sure, is the same conclusion many children would come to, if they even bothered to look at the wrapper that closely, before devouring the sugary temptation within.

What sort of repressed mind automatically sees sex in the most inocuous of circumstances?

A religious one of course, and one which is passing on to children the idea that it's fine to rot your teeth with sugary sweets, but any mention of sex is immoral, irreligious, or just downright wrong.

Goodness knows what sort of reaction Mr Simpkins would have had if the wrapper had shown two Limes in the same tussle; the homosexual implications would have probably set his hair on fire in rage.

In a perfect world, when Mr Simpkins goes back to his local church to call for a boycott of Haribo products, his Vicar/Priest/Preacher will point out that he may be guilty of over-reacting a touch, but unfortunately that probably won't be the case.

I feel sorry for poor Benjamin & Ofelia. Growing up with rotten teeth and sexual repression

I do hope the letter is a hoax

The long awaited death of Big Brother

2009-08-26T14:58:00.005+01:00

Hooray! Channel 4 has finally seen the light and ditched Big Brother

Well, it'll run one more show next year, to fulfil an obligation to the producers, but after that it's history.

It is fair to say that this years show, and the attendant tabloid coverage, has hardly annoyed me at all, given that it seems to have been universally ignored by all but the most ardent BB fans.

Endemol, purveyors of shite gameshows, are putting a brave face on it, but they must be hurting. It's hard to see another UK TV channel paying to pick up a show that has only managed 2 million viewers this time around.
After all Channel 4 wouldn't be ditching the show if it was still making money!

Anyway, I'm glad to see the back of this particular freakshow. I remember Big Brother 1 as being fairly entertaining, but every show since has been populated with increasingly desperate and mentally unstable contestants.
I believe watching BB has become disturbingly similar to the Victorian pastime of paying a farthing to watch the lunatics cavort in the asylum, and we've grown out of doing that.

I wonder if Davina McCall has her CV up to date?

Celebrity Gossip

2009-08-26T14:16:00.004+01:00

Katie Price, Kerry Katona, Posh & Becks, Brad & Angelina, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, etc, etc, ad nauseum

My question is, are people really interested in what celebs, major or minor, get up to in their private lives? Or are we being force fed so much celebrity gossip these days, that its impossible not to show some interest, no matter how small or how reluctantly?

I ask this because I've come across what I think is a new celebrity gossip website http://www.3am.co.uk/
I seem to remember one of the red top newspapers used to run a celeb spotting column by that name, and probably still do. That the sheer weight of pointless gossip they are handling neccessitates a seperate web site is just saddening.

It is utterly vacuous, consisting of photographs, candid and posed, of mainly minor celebrities, the sort that seem to be making a good living out of just being featured in such websites and magazines. Famous for being famous
The writing that goes with the photos is obviously aimed at those with a mental age of a 10 year old, and much of it looks as if it's actually been written by someone of that age.

It's a poor state of affairs to think that reading about the, often sordid, personal life of Jordan/Katie Price among others, is what passes for entertainment these days.

Cockney Cash Machines

2009-08-25T08:00:00.000+01:00

http://http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/blog/2009/aug/25/cockney-cash-machines

Can somebody please introduce me to the idiot who thinks putting cockney rhyming slang on cash machine screens is a good idea.
Actually, I want to meet ALL the people involved; whoever thought up, approved and implemented the idea, so that I can tell them face to face what condescending, idiotic tossers they are.

I'm especially interested in finding out which top notch researcher decided that Spitalfields was a good location to stick a cockney cash machine in, considering it's home to a very large Bangladeshi community and is frequented by City workers, neither of whom are predominantly cockney, or stupid.

Allegedly, it's supposed to be a fun way of ensuring the life of dialects in the English language.
Nonsense. If a dialect is dying out because it's no longer used, its a natural evolution. Why waste time perpetuating something that nobody wants anymore?

Anyway, I'm a Londoner, but not a cockney. However, it seems that everyone from outside of the M25 think we Londoners all live on the set of "Only fools and horses". So, the quicker the Cockney accent goes the way of the Dodo the better in my view.

A London accent doesn't automatically = Cockney

The death of free news

2009-08-24T08:46:00.004+01:00

I see that News International has decided to wind up its free news title, The London Paper

I, for one, am delighted. As a Londoner working in the City, it means I'll have fewer people, clad in shiney purple rain jackets, trying to thrust something I don't want into my hands every time I pass by a train or underground station.

Of course, there is still the London Lite, but I can only hope that the advertising revenue streams dry up on that as well.

It's not that I'm against the provision of free news; I'm certainly not, but the aggressive competition between street distributors of both papers is just so annoying. I'm often tempted to take the first copy offered to me, roll it up and use it to beat off the other hawkers with. Except that actually having a copy of a free newspaper in your hand is no guarantee against being offered another one, or two, or three!

However, the real problem with these papers starts if you actually read them. The actual news content is minimal (and that's being kind). But even if you have the attention span of a goldfish, there is barely enough readable content to last one stop on the tube, which goes some way to explaining the great piles of paper left on the underground every day. Try sitting down on the tube without having to move a copy of the London Lite/London Paper first. It's not easy.

All in all an utter waste of paper

So, farewell London Paper. You will not be missed

Enough is enough

2009-08-22T09:15:00.008+01:00

I've noticed recently that I seem to have become de-sensitised to the stupidity that life is throwing our way. Once, I would have shouted my rage from the rooftops, but now things just seem to wash over me without ruffling a feather.

I don't like it

I don't think it's because I'm getting old, although the grey hairs are much more noticeable now than they used to be, I think its because there is just so much lying, thieving, cheating and killing going on in the world that I'm suffering from sensory overload.

Enough is enough though. I need to start howling at the moon more often, otherwise I'll just bottle up all my rage, until one day I'll explode in gory tatters; like Mr Creosote in Monty Python's "Meaning of life"

Not a pleasant thought!

So, from time to time, I'm going to vent my spleen in this blog, as a means of avoiding a frustration induced heart attack.